WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
