I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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