Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
