..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?