Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.