Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby