so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.