he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
