No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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