There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
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Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
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I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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