I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
