Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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