please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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