ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
