May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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