We won't sleep together?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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