This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
