Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
