You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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