Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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