So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
