On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
