shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
A+ Viking dick
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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