It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
