I could make wine with my vomit
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
