Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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