the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
