I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
