I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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