I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
honey bunches of taint.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
