You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
