So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
