Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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