Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
