I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
