Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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