I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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