he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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