i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
