I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I look better un-naked...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
