sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I checked into jail on foursquare
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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