After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
