if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
