I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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