first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
