these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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