I just made out with a guy for $7.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My vagina just recognized that song.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
