White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
