Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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