wanna go halves on a baby?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
