just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
