Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
