Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
