If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
