I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
