i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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