we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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