well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
