Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
