i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
