I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
