I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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