Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
