There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
