a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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