I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
