Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
