I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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