i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
did you just send me my own nude
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
