My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
