Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
