he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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