new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
